Musings || 29.3.18

My mind has refused to obey
It has refused to fall in line
It keeps opening doors.
Banging them and giving me a headache
My heart feels betrayed
By me, who promised it that it will never go through this again
And by the one who was always on my mind
My body feels numb
Drifting through routines
My eyes are tired
From the unending saline pools
From staring. And sleeping.
My soul is searching
My mind is being disobedient again
Straying, Replaying, Rationalizing
I don’t know where my self-esteem is
Did I leave it at the door?
Or I’ve packed it for this trip
I’m an unwilling traveler today
I refused to carry any luggage
Except my sanity. And some memories
Oh, and my soul
My spirit is uncharacteristically quiet.
I’m standing here.
The place I wanted to stay.
From where I wrote stay
And I’m blinking. Fast.
And exhaling
A still small voice pierces through
“It’s not all over, child ”
My voice definitely belongs to a stranger
I turn to the right and see the walls
I haven’t looked in that direction in a long while
My breath is deep, deliberate and regular
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
One. Three. Five.

4 thoughts on “Musings || 29.3.18

  1. Nice poem. You should write like this more often.
    Also, I like the visuals: done in the shape of an EKG. Cool stuff.

  2. I am so lost in your poem. It’s hard to believe someone else can feel and experience the same in something that can make me feel so weird and alone when I experience it. It makes me wish I could give you a much needed hug. Much needed on both ends. <3 Me and God love you!

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